it’s on you..not us

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If a woman is raped, you are bound to hear someone (sadly many times females) say “look at what she was wearing/where she was, she asked for it”.

A woman is groped, and someone is bound to say “well why did she wear that slutty outfit, what did she think would happen”.

A woman woman walking down the street is verbally assaulted, has men walk along beside here, talking AT her, men make obscene and lewd gestures and suggestions, she complains, you’re bound to hear someone say “you could have just smiled/said hello back”,

Why do you think most women don’t report being sexually harassed/assaulted on campus? Because, she was drunk…which means, it’s her fault.

Can someone please, Please, PLEASE explain to me, why it’s a woman’s responsibility, to explain to a man that his behviour is obnoxious and inappropriate?

Let me be very clear, a woman isn’t obligated to respond to you, she doesn’t owe you a smile. So what if you think it’s rude? What’s wrong with moving on when it is completely obvious that she has no interest in you? Is it that bruising to your ego? If your ego is bruised that easily, I suggest you climb back into the vagina that you were pushed out from.

I saw a man tweet that if he doesn’t respond when a woman tells him that he’s handsome that she will think he’s gay. Does not compute. So the opinion of a random woman on the street means that much to you? Unless you care about coitus with that woman, her thinking you’re gay means what to you exactly? And your caring about coitus with her, means what exactly? Because she clearly isn’t thinking about it with you.

 

Is it just that women are still though of as lesser, so what we think and feel doesn’t matter all that much to you? Before someone comes running at me with a Bible to say ..well women were made for men, from a part of us, so basically you’re here for whatever we want”. Stop. Just stop, If we’re going Biblical, then remember woman was made from the rib, and the rib guards some pretty important organs. Woman was made to protect and take care of her man, just like in order for that man to function properly he has to protect and take care of his “rib”. So they work together as one. Go away.

So why are women taught to not  leave their drink alone in a party, what clothing they should not wear, what behviour not to engage in? Can you not teach your sons (yes you, women and men..society) how to fucking behave like men, respect women, treat them like queens. If they hurt you, there are a million more out there, KEEP IT MOVING.

Stop with the slut shaming/rape shaming/resting bitchface shaming. A man’s behaviour isn’t a woman’s fault nor her responsibility.

Before you start, I am not speaking about ALL men. I don’t need “Captain save a bro” to come swooping in to tell me “we’re not all like that”. I know that, women know that, This isn’t about you. But know, if you want women to uplift and support you, you have to do the same in return.

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things aren’t always what they seem…

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That one guy who covers his windows with tinfoil and wears a foil hat so the aliens won’t reach him. The person who swears the government is listening in to all our communication. The woman who feels that someone is lying/cheating to/on her. You know what they all have in common? The adjectives people use to describe them. You hear words like “paranoid”, “insecure”and of course “crazy”. The thing about this is, just because you might be crazy, paranoid or insecure, doesn’t mean that you’re actually WRONG. And seeing that the government is actually spying on us… The rest is actually plausible.

Here’s a hypothetical situation.

Woman and man are in a somewhat relationship. She asks him not to lie to her, he promises. But he starts acting kind of strange. She asks questions that he ignores for months, when they see each other, he acts in a way he never did before, whether it’s weird gestures, and questions that sound more like the way he would talk to some random one nighter, or something in his demeanor, whatever his behaviour, she feels something is off. That only fuels the nagging in the back of her head, and in her gut. Let’s say after that encounter she hardly hears from him, because he’s busy. (No one is ever too busy for someone they care about) When she does hear from him, its innuendo and sexy talk. Still there are unanswered questions and no real conversations. So when she starts hearing talk of other women, one in particular.. another promise..and she is still sitting in the docks waiting on him to not be so busy, it’s really really easy for her to believe what she’s hearing.
She can believe it, because his actions do nothing to dispute it. So she blows up.
This is the time he should let her cool off, then ASK WHY SHE WOULD FEEL LIKE THIS.

This however, is when men decide that the woman is paranoid, insecure and jealous. However, all that does, is keep the fire in her belly going. He hasn’t answered anything, he’s on the defense. Perhaps the man feels he shouldn’t have to explain anything to her, perhaps he thinks that since he’s innocent, she should know this without him having to say anything. So he’s huffy, and angry.

Men… turn down the angry for a minute. What she believes isn’t important.. WHY she could believe it, is. This is where you have to step back and suss the scene. Why would this person believe you capable? Draw on past conversations, did you ever make comments that would jump to the forefront of her mind, when your behaviour is already suspect? Have you ever behaved in a way that would make her think you’re pulling back?

I’m not saying the woman is right. I’m saying that maybe you need to sit her down and talk it out.

wait, I said this was hypothetical didn’t I…

All she might be thinking is, why hasn’t he just said “no /yes/ what happened was”? Then she might be thinking, well perhaps he can’t answer because he’s a little shocked that she would finally figure it out one day. Silly little girl.

This is why I hate lies, I hate games, I like straight up get it over and done with. I’m passive aggressive, I don’t like confrontation, so if you realise I feel a certain way about a situation that you can shine some light on, I say go for it, most smartphones have a flashlight feature. use it.

Me, I don’t always ask a straightforward question, but you will definitely know how I’m feeling.

I’m no saint, I have no right to judge anyone. Perhaps people think they can’t always be honest, because they think someone will judge them, or someone might be angry or withhold a certain something that they want. I figure if you care enough about someone, you swallow that and just be honest. But I’m assuming people still care like that.

Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t following you. Just because you’re crazy, doesn’t mean the aliens aren’t trying to communicate with you. Just because you’re insecure/jealous doesn’t mean you’re wrong. People feel a certain kind of way, because of circumstances, most people don’t just pull emotions out of thin air and decide that’s how they want to feel.

what do I want?

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A male friend once (recently actually) told me that I don’t know what I want, (relationship wise). He was, and still is very wrong. I’ve always known what I want. I’m quite ok with being alone, I like my own company, and I need solitude from time to time. That being said, I like having someone to go to sleep with and wake up next to…or someone to wake up when I see fit *cough*. What I have a difficult time with, and I’m going to assume that this is why he said what he did, is doing what feels good as opposed to what seems right/wrong.
I still have that “good girls don’t..” thing in the back of my mind. Dear society please stop doing this to our girls, they’re allowed to be sexual without having to feel like dirty little whores…. unless that’s the role they’re playing, then… ­čśë
I’m gradually trying to get out of that mindset. I have always wished I could be “Freer” in some aspects. I’m getting there, but there really isn’t anyone to be free with, not where I live…where I am right now…. lol, that’s a different kettle of fish. We’ll see how it goes.

ps: I also want honesty, catching someone in a lie, ruins a decade of trust…

pps: sidechicks now celebrate anniversaries… and celebrate them loud and proud.

sex, peen size, boobs, ass, see through dress

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So since I’m a female, I’m now labelled a classless whore…. beacsue ^^^^^^^ (title)

 

There’s a HUGE double standard, and we feed it, we buy into it, we live it, because “it’s not going to change”, “that’s just how it is”. Well listen. I like sex, I talk about sex, I talk about not getting sex. I’m not sex obsessed, I don’t have a “sex addiction”, I’m just me. ┬áBut there are others like me. Who understand their sexuality, own it, claim it, embrace it, enjoy and live it. But as the memes go “real women don’t…. publicly talk about sex/have sex with more than 3 men in their lifetime/have one night stands/have FWB because they catch feelings (be clear from the get go)/ don’t wear tight,short,see through clothes…….” The way these memes read, and the way some women rate them with the “brap brap, gun finga” of course things won’t change anytime soon, because some man, woman, corporation, society, is out there trying to control women’s sexuality. Cause, a real woman, according to society (and memes) sits at a corporate desk, while breast feeding twins and cooking breakfast for her man in sexy lingerie. Let me just say this…

Real women,┬álive their fucking lives. Full Stop. Don’t make anyone tell you otherwise.

Real women, like sex, they wear “trashy” clothes, they come in all shapes/colours and sizes. Some don’t cook, some don’t have babies, some don’t have high powered careers, some stay at home and take care of their families.. there isn’t some guide book with a point system. If someone is using one, then they need to find a new hobby.

There was all this noise about Rihanna’s see through dress at some award show the other day.

1. she’s grown

2. she isn’t responsible for raising your children (your daughter needs an actual role model, try Angela Davis ok)

3. she looked damn hot (free the nipples)

4. why is a woman’s semi nude body only appropriate for your bedroom? (before they took us from the motherland, we were naked)

5. She doesn’t OWE us anything, so this “we made her” mentality is fucking ridiculous

I’m well aware that she isn’t Josephine Baker, more likely than not she’s a pawn in someone’s fashion career dream , but she’s not the first, hello Cher, Madonna, Naomi…every other supermodel before them.. You don’t have to like her, or like what she wears, whatever. What I don’t get, and it’s the women ..what I don’t get is calling her a whore and a slut because of the clothing choices she makes. What’s worse is that none of you involved in this slut shaming, just on clothing choices, can see the easy skip to the rapist’s disgustingly stupid defense.

I posted a meme the other day that went something along the lines of ” real women don’t wear xyz” under which I commented that I would wear whatever the fuck I wanted to. This female comes at me with “well when men treat you like xyz don’t be mad” I asked her what happens when, because we females seem to agree with the clothing stereotype the rapist says “well look at how she was dressed, she’s a slut, she obviously wanted it”. She told me that she never mentioned rape, I brought it up and one has nothing to do with the other… -_-

really?

one has nothing to do with the other?

So when a high powered woman said that females need to dress modestly and put their breasts away as not to entice and tempt men….one has nothing to do with the other? Because to me, that sounds like, a man won’t be tempted to rape you, if you’re covered from head to toe in a crocus bag.. She was speaking about sexual abuse and rape, so let’s be clear, I’m not taking this out of context.

I’ve looked at women, I’ve judged them based on apparel….when they look hideous. But hey, I certainly don’t have the level of confidence it would take to think I look good in certain things … so kudos to them i suppose.

I know whores, because yes they exist, I mean the ones exchanging sexual favours for things, sleeping with Larry for rent, Harry for car payments and Barry for groceries. But hey, do you. I’m not going on social media to call them out because of their clothes, or what they do. We all do things. You have to live the way that makes you most happy, and as long as your happy isn’t fucking with mine, do you boo boo, do you.

Men online went off last week, because women were swooning over a sexy convict. His mugshot went viral. Now there are idiot women who sent him money, idiots, he’s married, he has a teardrop tattoo under his left eye, he’s in a gang, he’s on a weapons charge… idiots, but why can’t men let women strive. If we want to have fantasies about some sexy convict, why is it problematic to you? You watch porn, you get off, you’re not going to end up with the woman, but sometimes you pay for the live cam or for the movie…so you’ve just sent money off to some woman you’ll never have. Sooooo????? Men said, I have a degree and get no love, it’s cause he’s light skinned, we dark bros get no love.. there was so much. Because why? Dudes you can’t all be our Idris. get over it. Then there were men who dropped “well he’s gay you know” 1. the man in the photos is his brother, and 2. so what if he was gay? If I want to look a something sexy, just for the eye candy aspect, I don’t care if he’s gay or straight, because I don’t wan to have sex with him in real life. Also.. men, really? you’re going to try to clown women with “he’s gay”, but you can tell me frame by frame everything that happens in every scene of your favourite lesbian porn video????????!!!!!!!!

But oh right, women aren’t supposed to (publicly) be sexual beings….not our wives, moms and sisters and daughters, nope, not our “good girls” right.

My body doesn’t handle stress well. I’ve therefore decided that I’m going to take on less. Guilt trips that used to work, no longer do, because I’ve zoned out. I never really cared how other people saw me, it’s probably worse now. I went into town a few weeks back in a see through top and a very colourful bra. Men smiled, women gave me “you sluttified hussy” looks, one woman was looked so hard sideways I thought her eyes would pop out, I calmly said “yes, it’s a bra” and continued on my way. If you aren’t feeding, funding or fucking me, you have no say in my life, and if you’re doing any or a combination of those things, it’s still sketchy.

So I will talk about sex, or my lack thereof, I will wear what I want, I will sleep with a man on the first date if I’m feeling it, and I’ll never answer his calls again if the sex was sub par. I might have a baby one day (probably not, I hear you need actual semen for that), I might never “amount to” anything in the eyes of others, I might find a sexy rasta man and build a bush bungalow to dwell within.

All I want is to be happy. I’m working on it….so that sexy rasta man thing would really help the happy…. I’m just saying

 

 

also, (for the hell of it) sex, peen size, ass, boobs, freekum dress

when the trust wanes

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Well hi there World of WordPress.

Ok first thing, I’ve escaped the oppressive place I was in.. I’m home, I’m happier, in most ways, so I’ll take that. I do need a job though..

When I found out I that I was on my way to getting back to my island paradise, I contacted someone who I’ve been intimate with before, you know, “better the devil you know”, and I requested a certain service, and I also asked to be told exactly what stipulations, clauses, amendments..you know, “what do you want”, might be agreeable to them. So after a month of no response to the question of what was wanted, I got an answer during a text exchange early one morning. I’m not sure if the answer given was meant to give me as much insight as it did…. but it surely opened my eyes.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’ve been here for a month, I’ve been in need (yes need) of some coitus. There is one person I trust enough to know that I can get what I need and good conversation and laughs too. There are actually more out there, but I like this one. My mistake was falling for him. Falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you is quite sad. Especially if that person has clocked on to just how hard you’ve fallen, and sees an opportunity, and runs with it. You really can’t blame that person. Carpe Diem. Let me be clear, this wasn’t a FWB type relationship, not that I knew…. but perhaps I always knew. When you fall hard for someone, losing them can sometimes scare you so much, that you stop listening to that little voice inside you that calls BS on explanations and reasons and stories they tell you. You hear the voice, but you tell it to go to the time out corner and be quiet. People let me tell you, if your little voice says that something is wrong, if someone (with no need to lie) tells you they’ve seen something, they know something, and you bring it up with that person you’ve fallen for, and without answering, they somehow turn it around in such a crafty way that you feel guilty for even thinking it could possibly be true, and perhaps even apologise to them…you need to take a step back and have a think.

Anyone who’s been reading this little blog of mine, would know, that over the last year, I’ve been in a bad way, emotionally. I was depressed, I was very unhappy..very very unhappy. What you don’t know, is that it brought me to a point, where I was able to make peace with a lot of things. The most important of those was my mortality. I’ve never been afraid of dying, It has to happen sometime, but when you actually make peace with it, something happens inside you. It’s like, if you’re ok with dying, then everything else that you’ve been fretting about seems so trivial. The person you thought you would die without, you don’t mind losing, because you’re already at peace with life and death.

I was very recently told something about the person I fell for. I’ve been hearing things, but that was the first time I’d been told face to face, something about him. The conversation arose by way of a story I was telling about an interaction I’d had with someone. So this person had no reason whatsoever, to think telling me what they did, would in any way benefit them, or hurt me. I was angry, I was hurt. When someone doesn’t actually ever give you straight answers, and the world is willing to tell you a lot, it’s really simple to understand how or why you’d listen to the world. So I was hurt, and once again I contacted said person and told them what I needed in order for the agreement to go ahead (mind you, there still had been no reply to my initial question). Things said/written in hurt, can come out harsh, but it’s usually the truth. I’m not one who is interested in being a member of a harem. The response I got then, was that (paraphrasing) while they were interested in my offer, they were quite uninterested in having to deal with “attitude” basically, emotions and feelings, and having to answer questions. I chuckled. It was a new feeling. Prior to this, I’d have become upset, cried into my pillow, and did whatever I could to ensure this person wouldn’t be angry enough to leave me. I’m at peace. The fact that this hasn’t been the first time something like this has occurred, got me thinking. I reflected back on various exchanges and how I’d handled them. I thought of something that happened a while back, when said person fucked up royally, like telling a lie, that I would eventually find out about (those are the worst lies, because it’s like the person doesn’t care), and when I got hurt and angry and in the heat of the moment asked them not to speak to me….that’s exactly what they did. Later I was told “well you said not to talk to you”. That night a few days ago, I lay there and I thought about that. Thought about the fact that he fucked up, lied to me, I found out, and instead of trying to fix it, he found it really easy to just walk away. It was me who brought us back together. The recent exchange felt just like that. It felt like many times in the past where he’s said something to me that made it clear what I was, but I didn’t listen…except this time, all I could think was, we all have to live how ever we’re happy, and you can’t make someone feel about you what you feel for them. I don’t mind being friendly with him, he’s pretty much a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but I’m not going to fight up, and stress myself for someone who isn’t going to care to tell me/ convince me of the truth, or fight that same fight for me because they aren’t terrified of losing me.

I’ve made a few posts over the last few days, I can just imagine that he believes them to be about him. He’s been my sun for so long, that I wouldn’t blame him for thinking that. But most haven’t been, and what have to do with him, aren’t really about him, but about me dealing with the situation.

When someone has told you time and time again, that you deserve better, don’t think that they’re being self deprecating, or humble, just believe them, go on out there and find yourself someone who deserves and wants you. Someone willing to fight for you, no matter the circumstances.

 

*steps off shelf and dusts self off*

gender role memes…

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I see a lot of women posting the “any woman can (insert selfie/”sexy” action here) but how many can cook” memes. I can actually do both, but that is beside the point. It’s bad enough a man posts it, but as women you find this ok? Why isn’t it “any woman can *sexy pose* but how many can have a college education/read a book/manage a business” or something along those lines? So our proudest achievement is to be able to cook and be in a kitchen? Fine trait yes, but all I ever think when I see them is “is this all we still are to society…and apparently ourselves?

I’ve never seen a meme of this sort directed at men. I’m not out there posting “any man can *drink a beer with his feet up* but how many can build shelving/fix a sink.. ” or some other stereotypical idea of machismo.

But we seem fine to continue to buy into and sell this antiquated notion that we aren’t real women unless we can cook. Why is that? Why are you ok with it? I’m not. ┬áI enjoy cooking, to me it’s just another way to express myself, it’s art that nourishes my body. But is that all I am? Hell no. Try to get me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and make me feel that this is the 1950’s and that’s all I can do or am good for, and see how fast I hit your eject button.